Piglet sidled up to Pooh.
"Pooh," he whispered.
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."
What does it mean to be sure anyways?
We all want to sure of our friends; we want to know and be known -- to be accepted for who we are. And yet, isn't it ironic that so many of us spend so much effort trying to hide behind the facade we want people to see. It amazes me the extent people will go to project an image which they have convinced themselves will earn them real friends. And yet, in the very act of acting, we alienate ourselves from real friendship -- in not showing who we are, how will we ever be known? To know and be known requires a level of vulnerability that for many is down right scary. We are anything but sure about exposing ourselves; the nakedness intimidates us. Because, what if when you strip down to the bare bones of who you truly are, you aren't accepted but rather rejected?
The ability to put yourself out there leads me to the second type of 'sure'. The 'sure of yourself'. I don't mean this in the sense of the overconfident jock who mocked your scrawnyness or the biatchy girl from high school who told you were a fashion degenerate or even the mean bully who stole your milk money in grade school. The 'sure of yourself' that I am referring to are those people who have a sense of certainty about them - they will do what they think is right in the face of opposition; they will swim upstream (and I'm not referring to the salmon in bay to breakers); they will help people who can't repay them; they in essence, know who they are and what they believe in.
A hobby of mine is people watching. I like to walk into a room of people and just blend in and listen to people, watch how they act in social situations, see what makes them tick. And I observe that while so many of us want to be sure of ourselves, in reality, so few of us are. But instead of admitting we are not sure of who we are, we fake it, because we are scared of other people knowing that we don't know. Take the time to look around, you'll see them all over. I affectionately call them posers. I should know, on a good day, I'm a recovering poser. They come in all shapes and sizes, colors and hues.
And finally, there's the sure in the sense of decision making. This tune is all to familiar to me...as indecisiveness has haunted me to some extent. I had brunch with a friend awhile back and he commented that while his wife was very decisive, he tended to like to let things stew for awhile. I definitely resonated with that line of thinking. Stew would in fact be an understatement for me. I let decisions marinate for so long that I've been told (quite accurately) that indecisiveness is my fatal flaw.
Given that I tend to see the world in shades of grey and the phrase "I'm not sure" and "It depends" are overly abused parts of my vocabulary, it shouldn't surprise you that any definitive conclusions on the above observations are rather elusive. However, overachiever that I am, I hope that you will at least humor me with an 'E' for effort...
I'm still sorting through what it means to be sure of myself...(so obviously it goes without saying I'm not there yet)...But I think it may have something to do knowing for 'sure' that there is God who loves me more than I know or can imagine. And perhaps if I really knew, it would change how I lived each day. I wouldn't be a poser; I wouldn't live dominated by other people's expectations. I would be free. Free to live and make decisions without fear.
On relationships, well, there are no guarantees in relationships. Loving is risking. Loving is giving. True friends are hard to come by. Cherish them. I think perhaps as you become more 'sure' of yourself, you become more free in your relationships. You don't expect others to fulfill your needs or worry about meeting their expectations. You are free to give of yourself and accept gifts from others.
But that's enough intellectual musings. For today, if I sidled up to Pooh, I'd know only one thing for sure...that life is not without mystery. But that's the adventure.
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